barrynicolson (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} barrynicolson) wrote,@ 2005-11-25 22:54:00 |
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Words Of Love, Words So Leisured
When I'm not busy sleeping, eating, drinking, listening to music, watching the Godfather trilogy in one marathon sitting, sifting through Myspace profiles, desperately waiting for a new Myspace message/picture comment/friend request, putting up posters that have fallen down, taking pictures of drunk people on my phone, working, excercising and thinking about the meaning of life, I like to make up words. With my friends, of course. I couldn't do it alone, I'm not that imaginative. But in the interest of my own purely selfish personal amusement, I try my level best to popularize these pointless additions to the great English lexicon by randomly dropping these words into conversation and waiting to see if the other person picks up. So, if there's anything in the following update that you like, feel free to use it in conversation, tell your friends that you invented it yourself, and maybe - just maybe - create weird websites dedicated to said word. If you want. And please, add your own neologisms at the end.
1. Twob - Ah, my my first rudimentary step into expanding - some would say worsening - this great language of ours. Essentially an androgynous combination of a 'Twat' (n: 'A stupid and incompetent fool') and a 'Knob' (n: 'A circular rounded projection or proturberance'), this word was really of rather limited appeal, as it refered to only one person: my old PE teacher Bruce Livingstone. Looking like the fifth Gibb brother who was deemed at birth to be too ugly for showbusiness, hastily tied up in a sack and dropped off a bridge, 'Livie' was known for telling girls to untuck their shirts when doing handstands and was once spotted standing on Glasgow's Byres road, wearing a trenchcoat and aviator shades, staring at females going by. Reports that he fathered Johnny Borrell are unsubstantiated, but he clearly needed a new breed of insult. Hence, 'Twob'.
2. Stoat - I won't pretend to have invented this word, but I have made a concerted effort for this fantastic West of Scotland word/small rodent-like creature to be introduced into mainstream English. The 'Stoat' can be many things - a Volkswagon Polo (any make or year), a dance (two steps forward, two steps back, with your arms going in alternate directions) or a substitute verb for 'Walk', as in "Stuff this Agnes, these magic mushrooms are making me see laughing goblins. I'm going for a stoat to clear my head." I'd like to give kudos to my friend Chris for this one.
3. Hoach - I think this website will explain everything you need to know: www.monthehoach.tk
4. Spacebag - This can be summed up in two simple words: James Brown. Yes the ape-faced godfather of sparkly-suited grunt-soul is a true original in many fields - funk, soul, rhythm and blues, rap, assault and battery, arson - but surely the apex of his prestigious career would have to be attaining the status of the world's first known Spacebag. A Spacebag (always in capitals, it is its own species after all) is a close relative of the 'German' (see below), but a being of more amplified strangeness. Only a Spacebag, for example, would engage in a high speed motorway police chase whilst driving under the influence of PCP (Phencyclidine, a drug developed as a surgical anaesthetic during WWI, rumoured to turn people into cannibals after prolonged binges), before getting out of the car and waving an illegal firearm at passing civillians. Even though Mr. Brown will probably never be displaced as king of the Spacebags, anyone can join their ranks, even on a temporary basis. Usually after ingesting a large ammount of alcohol and/or substances.
5. German - In the words of my dear friend Alan, there are two types of people in this world. You're either Scottish, or you're a German. The definition of a German being anyone that isn't actually Scottish. Of course, me being the least patriotic Scotsman I know probably qualifies me as being a German, but this is not unusual. 'To feel a bit German' is to feel slightly strange or unusual, like Richard E. Grant in Withnail & I, and so it is possible for a Scotsman to be temporarily German. There is one steadfast rule, however - there is no such thing as French, Dutch, Spanish, Finnish, Russian, Uzbekistani, Indian, Chinese, Australian, or indeed any nationality that is not Scottish or German.
When I'm not busy sleeping, eating, drinking, listening to music, watching the Godfather trilogy in one marathon sitting, sifting through Myspace profiles, desperately waiting for a new Myspace message/picture comment/friend request, putting up posters that have fallen down, taking pictures of drunk people on my phone, working, excercising and thinking about the meaning of life, I like to make up words. With my friends, of course. I couldn't do it alone, I'm not that imaginative. But in the interest of my own purely selfish personal amusement, I try my level best to popularize these pointless additions to the great English lexicon by randomly dropping these words into conversation and waiting to see if the other person picks up. So, if there's anything in the following update that you like, feel free to use it in conversation, tell your friends that you invented it yourself, and maybe - just maybe - create weird websites dedicated to said word. If you want. And please, add your own neologisms at the end.
1. Twob - Ah, my my first rudimentary step into expanding - some would say worsening - this great language of ours. Essentially an androgynous combination of a 'Twat' (n: 'A stupid and incompetent fool') and a 'Knob' (n: 'A circular rounded projection or proturberance'), this word was really of rather limited appeal, as it refered to only one person: my old PE teacher Bruce Livingstone. Looking like the fifth Gibb brother who was deemed at birth to be too ugly for showbusiness, hastily tied up in a sack and dropped off a bridge, 'Livie' was known for telling girls to untuck their shirts when doing handstands and was once spotted standing on Glasgow's Byres road, wearing a trenchcoat and aviator shades, staring at females going by. Reports that he fathered Johnny Borrell are unsubstantiated, but he clearly needed a new breed of insult. Hence, 'Twob'.
2. Stoat - I won't pretend to have invented this word, but I have made a concerted effort for this fantastic West of Scotland word/small rodent-like creature to be introduced into mainstream English. The 'Stoat' can be many things - a Volkswagon Polo (any make or year), a dance (two steps forward, two steps back, with your arms going in alternate directions) or a substitute verb for 'Walk', as in "Stuff this Agnes, these magic mushrooms are making me see laughing goblins. I'm going for a stoat to clear my head." I'd like to give kudos to my friend Chris for this one.
3. Hoach - I think this website will explain everything you need to know: www.monthehoach.tk
4. Spacebag - This can be summed up in two simple words: James Brown. Yes the ape-faced godfather of sparkly-suited grunt-soul is a true original in many fields - funk, soul, rhythm and blues, rap, assault and battery, arson - but surely the apex of his prestigious career would have to be attaining the status of the world's first known Spacebag. A Spacebag (always in capitals, it is its own species after all) is a close relative of the 'German' (see below), but a being of more amplified strangeness. Only a Spacebag, for example, would engage in a high speed motorway police chase whilst driving under the influence of PCP (Phencyclidine, a drug developed as a surgical anaesthetic during WWI, rumoured to turn people into cannibals after prolonged binges), before getting out of the car and waving an illegal firearm at passing civillians. Even though Mr. Brown will probably never be displaced as king of the Spacebags, anyone can join their ranks, even on a temporary basis. Usually after ingesting a large ammount of alcohol and/or substances.
5. German - In the words of my dear friend Alan, there are two types of people in this world. You're either Scottish, or you're a German. The definition of a German being anyone that isn't actually Scottish. Of course, me being the least patriotic Scotsman I know probably qualifies me as being a German, but this is not unusual. 'To feel a bit German' is to feel slightly strange or unusual, like Richard E. Grant in Withnail & I, and so it is possible for a Scotsman to be temporarily German. There is one steadfast rule, however - there is no such thing as French, Dutch, Spanish, Finnish, Russian, Uzbekistani, Indian, Chinese, Australian, or indeed any nationality that is not Scottish or German.
